4 Steps to More Respectful Relationships

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daily yoga practice, positive habits, positive yoga, respect, respectful relationships, Yoga With Paul

I read an article recently about food allergy sufferers who struggle to get chefs, or even their own families, to acknowledge their allergies. As a result, some have gotten ill from deliberately being fed ingredients they couldn’t eat, while those with severe allergies literally risk their lives if someone ignores their dietary needs.

This struck me as not just a food issue but a respect issue. When someone denies or refuses to acknowledge someone else’s need, it is saying, “you don’t matter.” Unfortunately, as the story demonstrated, people often have difficulties respecting each other’s needs and boundaries. Whether out of carelessness or ignorance, we damage relationships by failing to treat the other person with the care they deserve.

Photo by Tiago Felipe Ferreira on Unsplash

We all need to cultivate respect and these four steps are a great way to start…

Listen

The basis of all healthy relationships is communication, and that means listening. We need to practice really paying attention to what other people are trying to tell us — not just verbally, but physically and emotionally. The yoga studio is a good place to begin: focus on listening with real attention to the instructor, not just letting the words slide past you. When you’re talking to a friend, loved one or colleague, stay present.

Accept

Other people will experience, feel, say, and do things you can’t get your head round. They will staunchly believe things that seem totally inexplicable to you. No matter how strange, it isn’t your place to decide whether or not their feeling, ideas or experience are valid; you must accept their version of their life. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with someone whose beliefs you find objectionable, for example, but it means you have to accept they hold them, and have a reason — whether or not it seems right to you.

Support

To be a respectful person, you have to support others as they move through life, especially if their experience is different from yours. It isn’t enough to be an ally to the people who are like you. Practicing compassion and openness means being willing and able to care for those around you, whatever your similarities or differences.

Affirm

The big leap in respect is to not just accept but affirm other people, even when they are coming from a place — or going through an experience — that is foreign to you. Again, affirmation does not mean supporting beliefs that are contrary to yours, but it does mean respecting the inherent human value of everyone you meet, and affirming that everyone deserves to be treated with care and dignity.

Read more: Four practices to speak with kindness, Three practices to cultivate patience

Focus on What’s Right

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mental health, mindfulness, positive yoga, self-care, Yoga Holiday With Paul, Yoga With Paul

Having just wrapped up Yoga Holiday With Paul, it’s time to return to routine and prepare for autumn and winter.

The time in Cyprus was, as always, filled with joy and learning. One thing that impressed itself on my mind was the importance of focusing on what is right in our practice, and lives, instead of looking at what is wrong.

Photo by Michele Guan on Unsplash

It is all too easy to focus on our weaknesses or what we lack. When we do so, we lose the ability to be present and grateful for our strengths and blessings.

There is a great book called Stories of School Yoga that focuses on the benefits of yoga for children and educators. One chapter, by a yogi and counselor named Helene McGlauflin, highlights the problem of focusing on negative behaviour, rather than seeking and praising positive behaviour. She was writing specifically about kids, but this applies to adults as well.

We are often our own biggest critics, and quick to blame ourselves for perceived flaws or failures. It is time to start telling ourselves a different story — one that focuses on the positive and empowers us to address life’s inevitable difficulties with courage and calm.

Read more: Body image boost, Making positive mistakes

4 Ways to Make a Bad Day Better

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bad days, expectations, gratitude, pranayama stress, stress, yoga music, yoga negativity, yoga positivity, Yoga With Paul

Bad Days. We all have them occasionally. It might be illness, work, the weather, returning to routine after a sublime holiday (ahem!) or even for no particular reason.

When we wake up on the proverbial wrong side of the room it’s easy to stay grumpy. After all, aren’t we entitled to feel rubbish? We’re having a bad day!

While we are entitled to feel what we feel it is important to distinguish between things that help and things that hinder. Making space for unpleasant emotions is a positive, necessary step to moving through them; wallowing for the sake of it is not.

Photo by Matthew Henry on Unsplash

Here are four ways to make a bad day better (without faking it)

Check your expectations

A lot of times, when we perceive something as negative, it is simply that it doesn’t match up to our expectations. When you’re feeling out of sorts about something, stop and reflect on whether you are demanding too much of the situation. Sometimes, a simple acknowledgement that the world doesn’t run to our schedule is enough to help us lighten up and let go of our unhappy mood.

Slow down

The constant rush of daily life can create a feeling of anxiety and discontent — even when nothing specific is wrong. If you are irritable or frustrated for no reason you can put your finger on, slow down. Instead of hurrying to get all of it done (whatever it is) take a few minutes to move deliberately, noticing your breath and heart rate. Spend a few minutes doing Pranayama breathing to calm your body.

Play a tune

Music is a great way to calm our minds and boost our mood. Upbeat styles like pop and dance will lift your spirits almost despite you — even more so if you spend a few minutes bopping along! Reflective soul or chilled out sounds can soothe the stress of a bad day, helping you regain perspective.

Be grateful

Gratitude increases happiness. No matter how sideways your day is, there are always reasons to be grateful. Sometimes it’s tempting to sulk for a while but truly, we are all blessed, and taking the time to acknowledge it tends to shift those self-pity tendencies. If you can’t think of anything big to be grateful for, be grateful for little things: friendship, good food, safety, shelter.

What are your best tips for overcoming the blues? Share in the comments!

3 Ways to Eliminate Comparison

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daily yoga, gratitude, mindfulness, self-confidence, yoga comparison, yoga habits, yoga mental health, Yoga With Paul

Blogging about yoga for a quiet mind got me thinking about the things that make our minds unquiet. All kinds of beliefs, assumptions, fears and insecurities keep us on edge, waiting for something to change before we can be at peace.

Comparison is one of the big underlying reasons we feel these emotions. It’s a burly taproot, nourishing the small, leafy anxieties of daily life.

Photo by William Warby on Unsplash

From the moment we’re born people compare us – are we cuter, happier, quicker to walk or talk than other babies?

When we go to school, our achievements are compared to others. Whatever we do, from sport to dating, is a basis for comparison. Instead of discovering our intrinsic worth, we are taught our value lies in out-doing someone else.

Comparison is a happiness killer. It dulls our self-confidence and stops us from having whole-hearted relationships. It is a tough habit to break but these three steps can help eliminate comparisons and open you to a richer, happier life.

Tune into the soundtrack in your head

The first thing you have to do to stop comparison is to become aware of what you’re doing. We all have a running mental soundtrack. We are so used to constantly judging other people, and ourselves, that it is almost reflexive. If a colleague gets a promotion, your first impulse might be to feel envious, or insecure that you weren’t chosen. When you consciously examine this thought, you realise that actually they are going to have a lot more work, and that they have totally different experience. Their status is not a reflection on you.

Cultivate gratitude

Someone is always better off than you, and someone is always worse off. Comparison keeps us tugging back and forth between envy and pride, if we let it. Gratitude helps us take a different course. When we make a conscious decision to think about and appreciate the blessings we have – health, friends, hobbies, food, shelter, and so much more – we don’t feel the need to compare ourselves to others. We may not have everything, but we have an abundance.

Photo by madison lavern on Unsplash

Practice non-judgmental yoga

Yoga can easily lure us into comparing our practice, postures or bodies with others. This makes it a great opportunity to work on new ways of thinking. To practice non-judgmental yoga, ground yourself in the breath. Focus your whole energy on the movement within your own body. Observe the way your chest rises and falls, the connection of muscles and bones. If you need to, slow down from your regular pace to really concentrate. Gradually, with time, you will find it easier to sink into your own practice instead of getting lured into comparison.

Read more: Body Image Boost, How to Want What You’ve Got

3 Ways to Free Yourself from Frustration

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daily yoga, empathy, every day yoga, frustration, patience, yoga endurance, yoga mindfulness, Yoga With Paul

Frustration is a part of life. Daily life is full of irritations large and small: being cut off in a queue, put on hold, or realising you overpaid for an item, clashing with a boss or friend. Like water behind a dam, they can build up until we reach breaking point and use unhealthy coping mechanisms – like yelling, or eating a whole bar of chocolate.

We can’t avoid everything that causes frustration, but we can find positive ways to deal with it – and transform our experience of daily life. These three practices are not about “building a better dam” to suppress your feelings but about transforming your perspective to truly free yourself from frustration.

Let it go! Photo by Ankush Minda on Unsplash

Appreciate what you have

The philosopher Epictetus said a person can only lose what he or she has – in other words, even our frustrations are grounded in blessings. If you come back to your car to find a parking ticket, take a moment to consider that you are fortunate to own a car, and have the health and ability to drive it. This mindset is especially helpful in relationships. When (inevitably) you are annoyed with your partner, friend or child, think about how blessed you are to have that person in your life.

Practice constructive empathy

Empathy is being able to see things from another person’s perspective. Unfortunately, it tends to dissipate in situations where we feel wronged or short-changed. This is why the discipline of constructive empathy is so important. The next time someone – whether a stranger, shop assistant, or colleague – bugs you, stop and put yourself in his or her shoes. Really think about how they feel and how they might perceive the interaction. This is a profound way of acknowledging someone as a fellow human, and even if it doesn’t solve the situation, it will free you to experience it with compassion and understanding.

Cultivate endurance

The stronger you are physically, the stronger you become mentally. As yoga builds endurance and stamina in the body, it strengthens our mental and emotional fortitude. Every time you step into a yoga studio, you are developing discipline and patience. Every time you hold that posture a half-second longer, you are training yourself to withstand difficulties. Every time you fall out of a posture and get back in, you are reminding yourself that setbacks are temporary. Not only that, the regenerating, energising, calming effects of yoga make you more resilient to frustration in the first place!

Read more: 3 Ways to Be Patient, Yoga With a Sense of Humor,

Karma Yoga – PHBGTU

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karma yoga, Phuket Has Been Good To Us, Phuket travel, yoga abroad, yoga benefits, yoga charity, yoga Thailand, Yoga With Paul

Recently, I had the incredible experience of going to Thailand and spending time with the wonderful kids (and adults) of Phuket Has Been Good To Us (phbgtu). This organisation works to improve the opportunities and life chances of underprivileged Thai youth through high quality English language education.

Shiny, happy beaches

During my time there, I had the chance to participate in a beach clean-up with the kids — what fantastic, joyous bunch they are! It was also a tremendous privilege to present donations to the organisation so it can continue its positive work.

It was a simple reminder that we can help others in so many ways. Taking time out from our busy lives we can make a difference and create a smile.

You don’t have to go to Thailand, either. Volunteering in your own community, or simply reaching out to a struggling friend or loved one has just as much impact and meaning as travelling halfway around the world.

So wherever you are, extend a hand to someone and practice karma yoga today!

Donations for phbgtu

Check out phbgtu on Instagram

 

 

Yoga = CommUnity

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Help Refugees, human rights, Imads Syrian Kitchen, London pop-up restaurant, London volunteering, refugees, yoga community, yoga philosophy, Yoga With Paul

Yoga means unity. Every practice is individual but it shouldn’t be solitary. Part of growing as a yogi is extending the benefits we experience to others, in whatever form possible.

I recently spent an inspiring day volunteering at Imad’s Syrian Kitchen, participating in a fundraiser for Help Refugees.

Imad is a wonderful spirit, a refugee himself who is using his skills as a chef and restauranteur to aid others who are struggling to reach safety and rebuild their lives.

It reminded me how closely linked we are as humans. We can’t ignore what’s happening around us, or the needs of others, because we are all connected. We live here together, on this planet, in this moment. We have a daily opportunity to make the world a better place by how we choose to relate.

By participating in our community, we embody the true meaning of yoga. The inward unity of mind-body-spirit that we seek in the studio becomes woven into the fabric of our relationships with others. It truly makes a difference.

Even if you don’t have time to volunteer, there are lots of ways to engage with your community. It might be as simple as helping a neighbour, making a donation or signing a petition to support a good cause. Whatever you can do, don’t wait. Do it!

More about Help Refugees

Help Refugees started as nothing more than a hashtag in August 2015. A group of friends wanted to raise and fill a van full of donations to take down to Calais. Within a week, we had raised . We were soon receiving 7,000 items every day.

Fast forward three years, and we have helped over 722,500 people, managed over 25,000 volunteers, and we support more 80 projects across Europe and the Middle East. We have established a fieldwork first, networked approach to giving aid, establishing local networks and working with local partners to deliver projects.

Click here to learn more and get involved!

You Are Enough, Right Now

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essays, Heather Havrilesky, meditation, mind-body, mindfulness, What If This Were Enough?, yoga, Yoga With Paul

I came across these beautiful paragraphs in an essay called The Miracle of the Mundane. It’s from Heather Havrilesky’s new book What If This Were Enough? which is well worth reading if these wonderful words are anything to go by.

She doesn’t mention yoga, but what she’s talking about — presence, mindfulness, tranquility amidst the bustle — are mental and emotional states that yoga helps cultivate. Through practice, we learn to trust our minds and bodies and exist in the present moment. With every breath, we connect to ourselves and free ourselves from distraction.

Many of us learn to construct a clear and precise vision of what we want, but we’re never taught how to enjoy what we actually have. There will always be more victories to strive for, more strangers to charm, more images to collect and pin to our vision boards. It’s hard to want what we have; it’s far easier to want everything in the world. So this is how we live today: by stuffing ourselves to the gills, yet somehow it only makes us more anxious, more confused, and more hungry. We are hurtling forward — frantic, dissatisfied, and perpetually lost.

Our bewildered state doesn’t just injure us individually; it impedes our ability to work together for a better world. We can’t stand for justice and effect change until we’ve learned to push away empty temptations, shiny dead ends, and trivial distractions. As long as we’re perpetually assaulted by a barrage of news and tweets and texts, as long as commercial messages and smooth brands and profit-minded discourse are our only relief from our insecure realities, we’ll never develop the ability to live in the present moment. We have to cultivate compassion for ourselves and each other. We have to connect with each other in genuine and meaningful ways. But we also have to relearn how to breathe in the late summer air and feel the sunshine, to admire the swelling pink clouds and shut out the hiss of truck brakes, to sit on the ground and look up at the trees without looking ahead to what we’ll post on Facebook about it.

Read anything inspiring lately? Share your recommendations in the comments!

Embracing Difficulties

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Bikram yoga, embracing difficulties, hot yoga, mindfulness, positive thinking, positive yoga, yoga challenge, Yoga With Paul

We learn to face difficulties but what if we could learn to embrace difficulties?

Philosophers through the millennia have taught that the path to fulfillment involves not just accepting but welcoming life’s challenges. Why? Because through them we develop a deeper understanding of ourselves, greater compassion for others, and an appreciation for all aspects of our existence.

Practice makes the difficult joyful

How do we embrace difficulties?

Yoga is a wonderful tool because it enables us to physically embody the practice of welcoming challenge. Think about it, every time you step on the mat you are making a choice to step out of your comfort zone. It would be easier to stay at home on the sofa, but you’re something else.

Each posture is a reminder that your mind and body are capable of working in harmony, even if the situation is uncomfortable, like a 40 degree hot studio!

Working on difficult poses teaches that you are capable of making small adjustments that lead to progress. Every time you try a new posture, you show your capacity for doing something brand new.

If you apply your yogi mind to life outside the studio you can develop the exact same ability to surmount difficulties.

Next time you’re faced with a challenging situation, take a deep breath and imagine you’re facing a tough new posture — because you are!

Breath into the discomfort, face it without judgement or expectation of yourself or others. Know that it will pass. Know that next time you will be a little bit stronger, a little bit more steady on your feet, a little bit more prepared.

How does yoga help you embrace challenges? Share in the comments.

Make This Your Lucky Day

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be lucky, Friday 13th, inspiration, Karma, luck, mindfulness, philosophy of yoga, yoga karma, yoga philosophy, Yoga With Paul

Friday the 13th is traditionally bad luck, which makes today the perfect time to reflect on what “luck” means — and how we can make today (and every day) our “lucky day”.

Be lucky

Luck implies that life is something that happens to us. Depending on the era and culture, people have believed that God, the Gods, fate, or some other force is responsible for handing out good and bad events.

Yoga teaches us about karma — that what we experience is a response to what do. Our actions are the root from which karma grows. They determine our “luck”.

Here are five ways to make today your lucky day.

Express love

Take the time today to tell your loved ones that you love them. Sure, they know you love them, but actually saying the words, expressing them out loud, will is an affirmation that will lift them up — and you.

Let one thing go

We all have little things that drive us crazy — the weather, a co-worker, our commute. Today, think of one of these things and make a conscious decision to let it go. Just brush it off, ignore it, don’t give it your mental energy. You’ll be surprised how free you feel.

Do a headstand

Inversions literally let us look at the world from a new angle. Headstands refresh and revitalise our mind and body and they’re just plain fun.

Give

We are exceptionally blessed in our material circumstances, which makes us an exception in the world. Take an opportunity today to share your abundance. This might mean a financial donation, but it could equally be a gift of time, attention, or expertise.

Set your intention

Our attitudes and actions are guided by our intentions. If we want to move through life in health, peace, and happiness, we need to make a conscious decision to value those things (and the actions that bring us closer to them). Today, take some time to think about what matters to you — then set your intention to guide you.

How do you bring luck into your life? Share your thoughts in the comments!